The Glenn Beck Drinking Game
Are you like me, a conservative-libertarian who isn’t on board with the childish demonstrations and theatrics of the right’s answer to God Jr. Really? This is the best we can do?
His show on Fox News is a train wreck, and I for one can’t resist watching from time to time, even though it leaves my eyes and ears bleeding feces. Here’s the game and of course, the rules:
One sip of your drink:
- If Glenn Beck plays with any sort of child’s toy, like Jenga or Mickey Mouse ears.
- One sip for every M&M he eats. What is he, still potty-training?
- If Glen Beck makes any corny, painfully unfunny jokes such as “Albania — is that where the albinos come from?” or “I think Timothy Geithner looks like one of the elves from Lord of the Rings”.
- Ultra dramatic close ups when Glenn Beck talks directly at the camera, gesticulates wildly and says things that make no sense.
- When Glenn Beck does his pre-K demonstrations involving dead fish, or pork rinds or other animal parts.
Two sips of your drink:
- If Glenn Beck talks in any of his wacky cartoon voices, which in all honesty may be the voices in his head.
- If he makes any mention of his amorphous 9-12 Project.
- If Glenn Beck introduces any new conspiracy theories, such as the FEMA camps, or the illegal nature of growing tomatoes on your patio, or having a home garden.
- If his voice breaks and his eyes get teary, without crying.
- When Beck makes ridiculous, uneducated statements such as, “PETA lovers will want the dairy cows to run free, back to the jungles where they came from”.
- If Beck plugs his own “humor” magazine and sings Springtime for Hitler.
- When Beck impersonates Barney Frank, because that’s not very christian of a christian to make fun of gay men. Weren’t all men made in god’s image?
- If Beck pretends he’s a superhero and can fly.
Consume an entire drink:
- If there is full on sobbing while talking about god, god’s country or that tampon commercial Beck just watched.
- If there is any mention of the 9 principles and 12 values.
While it’s kind of cruel to have a drinking game based on the antics of a former addict, it’s the only way I can cope with his show when I’m too lazy to change the channel.
If I’ve missed any rules, feel free to comment below.
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March 28th, 2009 at 1:45 am
How much does one drink when Glenn beck says “we surround them”?
March 28th, 2009 at 1:47 am
Mike, that’s when you get in your underground bunker, consume your stockpiled food, and hope you have enough ammo.
March 28th, 2009 at 2:28 am
It’s Glens job to wear the slouch hat, we all have a job. Can it be Gin?
March 28th, 2009 at 3:35 am
Ballgame…
In other news, check out Moxie’s blog to play The Glenn Beck Drinking Game. Y’all have fun now, ya hear?…
March 28th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Moxie, it looks like you will have to restock your liquor cabinet. Did George Bush the first and second cause you to play a drinking game too?
March 28th, 2009 at 11:06 am
My liver ran screaming from the room at “ultra-dramatic close-ups”.
March 28th, 2009 at 11:47 am
at least he is not mean and wacko mean like Obermann… geez I think Glenn is a great man… move on… you would think there is enough wacko leftists for you to nit pick instead of a conservative…. funny but for someone who didlikes Glenn…you have really found alot of time to watch him… and if you do not like what I said come on over to the Glenn Beck Insiders Forum… if you have the balls… BTW… I block you on Twitter ASSLICE!
March 28th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Mockery and sarcaism - you guys are the best
March 28th, 2009 at 11:49 am
This is silly. How about drink every time he blinks, when he smiles, when he takes a breath, when he says ummmm, etc…. A drinking game doesnt have this many items in it.
March 28th, 2009 at 11:50 am
No, I am not like you. I am a conservative/libertarian who is completely on board with Glenn Beck. Why won’t anyone else tell us how much trouble we are heading into?
March 28th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Good grief…15 minutes into his show I’d be too drunk to remember all the rules on when I’m supposed to drink.
March 28th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
First time visitor from hotair. You call yourself a librtarian-conservative who doesn’t believe the samethings that Glenn does. Which brings up a very important question, what is it you believe? I have a feeling you do share some of Glenn’s opinions but are too wrapped into the game of politics that you can’t bring yourself to watch his shows. One of Glenn’s mottos is “a spoonfull of sugar will make the Medicane go down.” he is an entertainer with a message that everyone should be listening to and learning from. Glenn isn’t the source for all of my news, but he’s a good starting off point.
Ps. Insiders have been playing the drinking game for years. This isn’t new or unique.
March 28th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
You people are out of touch… how about a drinking game that we see how many sad wannabees make fun of Glenm Beck! Let’s just take the destruction of our liberties without anyone speaking up! Ya that’s the ticket! Let’s be dumb Zombie Obamatons!!!!!
March 28th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
The description you gave of Glenn Beck speaking directly into the camera and saying things that make no sense…. reminded me of Keith Olbermann. He does the exact same thing, except, he lies. His voice is disgusting and makes one want to puke. Beck is no “star” but Olbermann is a complete jerk.
March 28th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Can we add 2 drinks and a can of creamed corn every time he says “It’s about… survival!”
March 28th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Moxie, you forgot one: a big SLUG for the essential “Fox Friendly” use of profanity… i.e., “pissed” [common], “ass”, “hell”, “damn”, etc.
March 28th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Assume you are aware that Beck is a recovering alcoholic? You don’t think your post of a drinking game is in obvious bad taste?
March 28th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
We Play just about the Same Game when we Watch Obama’s Press Conferences( Campaigning) on TV. Everytime he Stutters,it’s One Shot. For Each turn of the Head,while he’s Reading off the Teleprompters,it’s a Double Shot.
Boy do we get Drunk ! Ye Haw !!
.
March 28th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
I don’t have cable tv. If I watch the compressed recaps on youtube, can I just stick a straw in the bottle?
March 28th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
I guess it’s simpler to do the Glenn Beck drinking game - you wont’ get nearly as sloshed as playing the Obama broken promise game or the Nancy Pelosi - We won game.
Sad that you need a game to support drinking - me, I’ll drink when I want to!!! Ya’ll enjoy!
PS… It’s “UNDER GOD”… period!
March 28th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
I’m not like you.
March 28th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Ah, but what do you drink when the moment comes that you are struck by epiphany, see the light, and become one of Glenn’s flock?
March 28th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Beck is good/evil.
Good:
-Not afraid to say the unsayable
-Conservatism (of a sort) with a smile
-At times, funny
-At times, good story-teller
-First liberatariang (or a sort) voice to make it big
Bad:
-Conspiratorialist
-Meglomaniac
-Mugs camera way too much
-Undermines guests with weird, faux sardonic mugging
-Mix of Mormon survivalism, free marketism, other Beckisms gives false view of liberatarianism
Overall, a plus, but barely.
March 28th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Obviously none of you watch Glen Beck…the game should revolve around the use of etch-a-sketches and the phrase “i’m just saying” Try that and you’ll all be drunk by 5:05EST.
March 28th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Two entire drinks if he talks about his botched hemorrhoid surgery.
March 28th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Get over yourself
March 28th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
…
* no sips if he calls struggling home owners
“losers” (you’ll probably be cutting down
on luxuries such as alcohol for now)
* one sip if he claims American prosperity
is down to the Constitution
* one sip if he claims that having money means
you earned it
* two sips if he says “freedom of [anything]”
as if that were a trump card
* a whole drink if he divinizes the Founding
Fathers (”PBUT”)
March 28th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
OK,I’m not a big fan of the crybaby, and he can be annoying sometimes (like anyone/everyone else) but your drinking “jokes” are lame…painfully so. You’re just dying to get attention like any other blogger sitting in their basement in their underpants…typing away.I don’t think your “God, Jr.” will take off as badly as you seem to want it too (just for the sake of getting MORE attention). But hey! you got on HotAir! That Airline pilot wannabe and that asshole Allapullinit seem to like you, that right there should be enough to sustain you for a week, huh?
March 28th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Holy cripe, dude, you really don’t like Glen Beck, do you?
I guess that is just stating the obvious, however…
What is wrong with being passionate about your beliefs? We have a Republican party of Milquetoasts who barely want to say anything “true” simply for fear the media will say they are “disrespecting the messiah” Pshaw. It’s time for more guys like Glen Beck in my opinion.
Beck uses humor effectively, and his symbolic visuals make it very easy for the common man to know exactly how much our “represenatives” are spending: aka Beck standing next to the “Trillion Dollar pyramid of $100 dollar bills”. God bless his plight I say!
Sure Beck is goofy, he is sometimes teary (who shouldn’t be) but at least he is not spending his time WHINING about other people in his blog. Perhaps you could learn a few points from Beck, and demonize the people stealing your Liberties and your children’s money, rather than someone willing to stand up for those irreplaceable commodities.
You sound more like Keith Olberman than any Conservative or Libertarian I have ever spoken to.
March 28th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
So if one insults Barney Frank, one insults all gay men? How does a cretinous puke of a politician like Frank become the avatar of a subset of humanity? This seems to me the same lame PC leap of logic which encourages liberals to accuse Republicans of racism if they challenge the policies of the president. It must be a product of your libertarian beliefs, becuse it certainly isn’t conservative.
March 28th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Take a drink every time you read this blog, and you’d never get drunk.
March 28th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
He is up to number 3 in the cable news ratings at a time which isn’t the best. Looks like he is doing what works.
CABLE NEWS RACE
THU., MARCH 26, 2009
FOXNEWS O’REILLY 3,420,000
FOXNEWS HANNITY 2,987,000
FOXNEWS BECK 2,374,000
FOXNEWS GRETA 2,160,000
FOXNEWS BAIER 1,940,000
FOXNEWS SHEP 1,888,000
MSNBC OLBERMANN 1,322,000
CNNHN GRACE 1,300,000
MSNBC MADDOW 1,208,000
CNN KING 1,144,000
CNN COOPER 1,118,000
March 28th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Very funny, unfortunately the reality we are all in is not.
March 28th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Glenn is the best guy going…with Rush, Levin and Sean…we will all thank him getting us prepared for what is coming with this circus..
Thank you Glenn for have the guts to say what needs to be said and not afraid of BO and his buddies…thugs?
March 28th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
He jumped the shark last night, I had to email the show, and beg him to quit the relentless mugging, especially when John Bolton was on ! Good grief, so distracting, so silly…and the constant glancing and giggling to activities outside camera range, a la Chris Matthews. Rude and childish.
March 28th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Moxie,
I used to be a fan of yours but not anymore…I personally happen to enjoy the Beck show…yes it is a little over the top but I find it more entertaining then O’Reilly and Hannity combined…guess it is time to go back to reading MM, LBC and Hot Air
March 28th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I guess we are a nation of “sippers”, judging by his ratings this week…
Also, I suggest we play this game and have a sip every time the Teleprompter in Chief says ummm and 2 sips for ahhhh.
A full dring when you hear “I inherited this mess”.
March 28th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Thank you, Moxie, for making it clear why Glenn Beck has his own show on Fox…and well…you dont.
Sorry to say, Becks dumbest jokes are wittier, and just plain funnier, than yours. His points are very well thought out and portrayed in an easily digestible manner that is simplistic enough for a ten-year-old child to understand (but apparently not simplistic enough for you).
Perhaps in preparation for your own television show…you might try making some kind of sense. I dont know what M&Ms have to do with potty training. That might have been funny if Beck habitually chomped on Cheerios, but well…he doesnt. Ok, granted…you may have been toilet trained that way. Ok. But I would say that a childhood obesity problem is a reasonable precursor to the reason you are probably some fat slob sitting around in a dirty t-shirt “too lazy” to lift a lard-laden thumb to press a button on your remote control.
If you are truly a conservative/libertarian as you say, you should be happy that Beck is portraying conservative ideas in such a “Dick and Jane” format…that way even Liberals should be able to understand it.
March 28th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
If you eyes and ears bleed feces it can only mean your full of one thing…seems obvious
March 28th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Just to be democratic and patriotic, I’m going to dissent from the other answers so far posted…here goes…
You guys don’t watch him very much do you? If you did, you’d realize the context. However, getting you to understand him is like getting me to understand ‘Hope and Change’…
Snotty responses in 3, 2, 1… Let’s face it, we aren’t going ‘get’ the other side but it’s fun to make some digs, eh??
March 28th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
A strangely similar game to one I used to play with friends during Herr Olbermann’s nightly foray into mind numbing insanity and pretzel logic. Alas, most of them were taken by cirrhosis.
MM
March 28th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Lost, that’s a very good idea.
Tanya, you bet you can!
March 28th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
You must be a ron paul supporter. They all think he can do “it’ all by himself! Haha You need to chill out!
March 28th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
I happen to think that Glenn Beck is entertaining and relevant. That you don’t like him is fine but you do sound rather pompous and self important. While you drink yourself to oblivion as you watch or listen to Beck, the rest of us will be preparing, learning and becoming the people who choose to survive the onslaught of socialism by defending the Constitution.
March 28th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
If you feel the need to make a drinking game out of Beck’s idiosyncrasies, more power to you, but why can’t he make fun of Barney Frank? Because Frank’s gay? Seriously?
Barney Frank is one of the most odious members of a particularly stench-ridden body, and he is a treasure trove of laughable traits.
Dear God, if we can’t make fun of Barney Frank, then I tremble for the Republic!
*(cue close-up on quivering lip and tear-filled eyes ….
and fade to black)
March 28th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Get over it! Beck is the 21st Century Howard Beale.
March 28th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
What i like best about Glenns show is that the “little” goofy things, the jinga, the cake, etc make his show more compelling for the entire family to sit down and watch together. I don’t know of any other opinion news show that can get the 10 yr old, the 18 yr old and the 30 somethings to watch together and stay interested.
When it’s 5 oclock in our house everyone stops wht they are doing and gets to the tv, and then during dinner we have great talks about what’s going on in dc. I think the people who find his show stupid, are painfully jealous. I also love the way he takes on the personal criticisms, instead of getting all offended and vengefull he finds a fun way to respond to the taunts….so far everyone who has lambasted him hasn’t done so again, the bully’s just have to move on to a new target.
Glenn Beck everyday at 5!!!
March 28th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Kirsten:
I have no desire to have my own television show. But you should google M&M’s and potty training. I’d explain it, but you wouldn’t understand.
Regarding me being “some fat slob sitting around in a dirty t-shirt” — how did you know!? You must have seen some of my photos on this site. Let’s diet together, girlfriend!
March 28th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
CABLE NEWS RACE: FOX NEWS WAY AHEAD IN VIEWERS…
GLENN BECK: He is up to number 3 in the cable news ratings at a time which isn’t the best. Looks like he is doing what works.
CABLE NEWS RACE
THU., MARCH 26, 2009
FOXNEWS O’REILLY 3,420,000
FOXNEWS HANNITY 2,987,000
FOXNEWS BECK……
March 28th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
I like to think of Beck as our conservative Yoda. Which makes you … an evil Chewbacca, maybe?
March 28th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
No Allah…
his half-wit cousin……….
March 28th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Harold, you must be spokesman for the GOP’s big tent.
If someone disagrees with the tactics of another conservative, you respond this way? It’s very sad to see the maturity level of my fellow conservatives, but I thank you all for proving my point about why the party is doomed.
March 28th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
[…] by The Glen Beck drinking game and the Allapundit Drinking […]
March 28th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Except for the Barney Frank one, RIGHT ON.
March 28th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Mox…you are right, I’m kind of a humorless nit-wit myself.
The world needs more people willing to bash conservatives….especially conservatives on TV, who do no favors to the poor image of the right-wing wackos.
I am so very “special”…but not only because I rode the short bus. I predict a bright future for myself as some Beck group’s butt-boy on some public access cable station somewhere…. you know, looking and sounding like Mr. Steele?????
March 28th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
*grabs popcorn*
March 28th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
[…] all bad. I agree. Sure, I may goof on him from time to time, and yeah, I might play the occasional drinking game while watching his show, but I give him credit for performing a public service here. And for his […]
March 29th, 2009 at 3:49 am
hey everyone lighten up. Think this is a great game. I love Beck and if he was still drinking he might even see the humor. I would rather see drinking games for all the pundits. KO would be chug for every time he says “you sir are a fascist”. Chris M would be every time he has a tingle running anywhere. With the President every stutter and head whip are good ones I would add every time he laughs at the wrong time. If he ever shows up without a visual aid of any type you must consume entire bottle of whatever you are drinking. Of course this will never happen!
March 29th, 2009 at 8:14 am
There really are blessings to pulling the plug on TV. I’ve heard of Beck but never seen or heard him.
In a nation of 300 million are there really no Reagans or Churchills among us to articulate conservatism’s ideals? The public school system appears to have succeeded in turning our children into veal for socialism’s vultures on the road to our future dhimmitude.
March 29th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
“Also, I suggest we play this game and have a sip every time the Teleprompter in Chief says ummm and 2 sips for ahhhh.”
Not to forget- a full glass for the comparatively rare “yaow”. Have found the standard ratio is 30-40 uhs and ums for each “yaow”- this based on analysis of preznit karaoke’s last two kabuki theatre press conferences.
March 29th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Moxie- read much, comment occasionally on your blog. Definitely enjoy your arch, dry wit, and think your ruminations re: room for atheism in the conservative movement are thought provoking and profound.
However-no matter how odious you find Beck to be, his message is at root a conservative one. And this message is being seen by increasing numbers of people, as the ratings would indicate.
More people hearing a conservative message… don’t see how that could ever be a bad thing.
Yes, Glen’s performance is at times hambone, simpleminded and a touch melodramatic. If it bothers you, well shoot it’s your blog so tell it all you want- I just think the substance of the message far outweighs the style in which it is delivered.
The moron lefties right now are getting their message disseminated more successfully than the good guys (us)- the stuttering, callow dolt infesting the White House is exhibit 1a of that.
As such, don’t believe now is the time to start taking points off for style faux pas.
March 29th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Skating, I never said I disagree that America is heading towards socialism. I’ve never implied that I’m not worried, or that I disagree with Beck’s message of getting back to small, limited gov’t. The conspiracy theories I can do without.
Hell, I was one of the people organizing the first round of Tea Parties.
Aaron nailed it, he wrote:
In a nation of 300 million are there really no Reagans or Churchills among us to articulate conservatism’s ideals?
There has to be a person out there who can avoid all the pitfalls of the left’s stereotypical right wing nut.
March 29th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Problem is, if the left can’t use a conservative’s own words to portray him or her as a right wing nut, they just start making stuff up.
For example, compare Glenn Beck with Sarah Palin. Beck makes odd statements that can be used to stereotype him as a nut. Palin does not. But that didn’t stop the left from labeling Palin a religious extremist (she’s a Pentecostal, a long-established Protestant denomination), an anti-evolutionist (her father was a science teacher and she’s never made a single anti-evolution statement that I can recall), and ignorant of geography (not knowing Africa is a continent, seeing Russia from her house - two things she NEVER said), among many other bogus accusations.
The fact that our nation’s public schooling system has degenerated into a network of liberal-socialist propaganda mills that emphasize political correctness over actual learning has not helped.
We on the right have a difficult struggle ahead.
March 30th, 2009 at 8:36 am
yea, I will never be coming back here… so enjoy the one time traffic from HotAir.
Beck is honest, insightful, and passionate about what he believes. (I have listened to his show (radio and TV) long before he was on Fox) Unlike you, who is petty and spiteful.
March 30th, 2009 at 10:28 am
[…] looks like Moxie has shaken the flying monkey cage. She invented a Glenn Beck drinking game. You drink when Beck does any part of his trademarked shtick: becoming hysterical, crying, or […]
March 30th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Is it alright to chug a quart of Old English 800 Malt Liquor each time he says,” You are not alone?”
Wait, I don’t need permission.
March 30th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
moxie said:
“I’ve never implied that I’m not worried, or that I disagree with Beck’s message of getting back to small, limited gov’t. The conspiracy theories I can do without.”
Fair enough, valid point.
Mike LaRoche -
re: the tina fey krep about Palin- after barko the clown fired GM’s ceo saw a comment at ace of spades today:
“Now I can see Russia from house too!”
March 30th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
ugh- “Now I can see Russia from MY house too!”
English is my friend…English is my friend….
March 30th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
I have only been a Fox News viewer for a few months due to the fact that I live in an out of the way part of the world and it was not available here. Since I have been able to watch it I have to say that I agree with Moxie. In fact, there are a number of folks on Fox I don’t really care for, but that’s another story. Being conservative I don’t like excessive demonstrations of anything, well, excessive. I think Fair and Balanced should mean fair and balanced as well, despite what any other news agency is doing. But then those are probably just quirks I have.
Now.
On another note, I noticed one of the comments, relevant part quoted here:
Ed Said:
March 28th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
“…You’re just dying to get attention like any other blogger sitting in their basement in their underpants…typing away….”
hmmmm…there’s something to think about
May 7th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
No. I am not like you.