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July 30, 2007
finishing school for the ladyfinger
A few VRWC members sent me the link moments after it was posted on Little Green Footballs. I was afraid to look.
Touted as a "great triumph" of Pamboobola (Atlas Juggs), who took a photo with St. Joan of Crawford (Cindy Sheehan) hugging her while covertly giving the one-finger salute. Some suggested we should give her a month's reprieve from the endless jokes about her method of garnering traffic for her sagging tits, instead of for her mind and ideas.
My response to these emailers? Classy. Even more proof that Pamela does a great disservice to the right by using her boobs, low class accent and middle finger. Why would anyone want to associate with this woman? Even Ann Coulter shows a modicum of respect when she meets lefties in person. No really. I've seen it in person, Ann is delightful and polite with lefties. Even posing for no-finger salutes with them.
So, I looked at the photo of Atlas Juggs and saw two old prunes. One blonde and another brown all over. James Wolcott, whom I would love to have on my radio show someday had this to say in his blog post, perfectly named Ladyfingers:
This, I suppose, is their idea of what constitutes class.Yes, it's our old familiar sea-weeded she-creature, Shamela of Atlas Shrugs, flipping the middle finger in a two-shot with Cindy Sheehan at a recent, humid antiwar rally. Note that it is Sheehan, the supposed nutball peacenik, who is being genial, outgoing, and a good sport in the photograph, unaware that her good nature is being exploited by the rude, smirky host of a website recently pruned from the Pajamas Media blogroll.
Wolcott goes on to compare Pam to Lindsey Lohan's Mom, a comparison that I'm sure is lost on the likes of Pam and her horny male readers. But not to me, a conservative Republican. In fact, it brought back memories of Teresa Heinz Kerry and her "shove it" comment. The right recoiled in horror. And yet, some foolish people on the right are celebrating this? And it's far worse an offense...
Pam, doll, if you really want to help the conservative cause you will enroll in finishing school ASAP. And I hope you get tea and biscuits, because your ladyfinger etiquette is not going to fly there.
Posted by Moxie at 8:57 PM | Comments (12)
Listen up
Today I discovered that mornings do exist, as I was a guest on the very popular BlogTalkRadio show Will and Nikki in the Morning.
We had a great time, and you can too! Click here to listen to the archive.
Posted by Moxie at 9:05 AM | Comments (0)
July 28, 2007
The Beltway Boys
I hate to criticize Fox News, and aside from the 1/2 Hour News Hour, I don't normally.
But when I tune into The Beltway Boys, I'm always disappointed. Maybe it's just me, but it sounds so kinky, so I expect youngish men with belts applying a smack down. Instead it's a bunch of gray suits and intellectual discourse.
Sigh.
Posted by Moxie at 3:17 PM | Comments (7)
July 27, 2007
cursed
It seems no matter what interactive radio/podcast service I use, I have sound issues. This time, listeners said I sounded fine, but I couldn't hear Steve after about 15 minutes, even though everyone and their hairy liberal uncle could.
So...I'm giving up childhood dreams. Me. Radio. Not meant to be. I'm sure the world is not weeping. Because there are so many female conservative humorists on the radio. Especially in Los Angeles. Dime a dozen.
On a happier note, I just installed Adobe CS3 Master Collection. It only took 3 hours. Weeding my way through the tools that will help me rule the world someday. Just as soon as I learn to use 'em.
If I disappear for a month or three...you will know what happened.
PS: I'm more relaxed now after my cat Puff Tatty walked on and kneaded my back. He was very worthy of a tip, except that I handle all his financial matters. He thinks of money as paint and prefers me to handle dirty dollars. So I just stuck a few bucks in my cleavage. Don't want to seem ungrateful.
Posted by Moxie at 1:24 AM | Comments (7)
July 26, 2007
Thursday MoxVox
We are trying something new:
5 PM Pacific, 8 PM Eastern, you can listen to my show by clicking here. Steve H and I did a test show today to try and figure it out. NowLive.com is a local Los Angeles company, and I'm going to give it a whirl.
You can chat live with other listeners, upload files, post URLs, and of course call in.
Big bonus is that you can pick a number that is local to you. Downside is that Skype doesn't work. But GoogleTalk does.
See you tomorrow! It would be great to have lots of you listening and learning along with us.
Posted by Moxie at 2:51 PM | Comments (2)
July 25, 2007
im in ur skoolz edumacatin ur kidz
The Washington Post is laughable for so many reasons. Here is one of them:
Posted by Moxie at 9:56 PM | Comments (6)
July 23, 2007
humor starvation diet
I made a huge decision the other day, I was laughing far too often. Sometimes I would even catch myself saying funny things to friends via IM or email. Something needed to change, if I am to retain my GOP voting card.
So after much thought, I resorted to humor deprivation, endorsed by Rush Limbaugh and the Soul Patch Kids. Via the fine folks at the 1/2 Hour News Hours, instead of laughing it felt like something funny was running out of my ass for hours on end.
Let me give you a few fine samples, in the event that you would also like to go on the trendy humor deprivation diet:
- Man swimming at the north pole....eaten by polar bear. Huh? -40 on the Colbert Humor scale.
- Obesity study, 20 people on starvation diet, 6 of them are missing.
This doesn't even make sense. Funny rating, -80 on the Colbert scale.
- Verizon buyout deal fell apart when they went through a tunnel. Funny rating, -100 Colberts.
- Closet conservative cartoon, which ends with the brilliant punchline, "I hate myself"
Scientists have not yet discovered a mark low enough on the Colbert Humor Scale. Perhaps we should have used the Bill Maher scale.
Anyway, I've lost a lot of humor thanks to my deprivation diet. But I still have a long way to go before Rush Limbaugh and I will be one. Fortunately, my old jokes no longer fit. Reading stuff like this, is a great temptation, one I must avoid.
And next week, I hope to move to stage 2 of the diet by reading "Jim Treacher".
Posted by Moxie at 11:22 PM | Comments (9)
Obama bell pepper
My garden keeps giving and giving.
Posted by Moxie at 6:39 PM | Comments (7)
July 22, 2007
life imitates tomato
Sorry, I used my camera phone and I don't have photoshop yet. This tomato variety is called a "Black Prince". I'll refrain from the jokes.
Does it look like someone infamous? Ebay listing forthcoming, based on your feedback.
Update:
Someone just bid a blue, slightly used dress. But was upped by a slighty used cigar.
Posted by Moxie at 6:16 PM | Comments (8)
July 19, 2007
Osteria Mozza
I'm a big fan of Nancy Silverton's pizzeria Mozza, frequenting it often. The Mario Batali/Nancy Silverton joint effort Osteria Mozza opened on Friday the 13th. Reservation phone lines opened on the 12th and it was widely documented as an exercise in futility.
Want a table? One month out. Period.
My friend started calling early and got a reservation for the first week in August. It was about 8 PM Wednesday, and I figured I better put in my call -- so in a month I can sit at a table and enjoy a New York style restaurant in beautiful Los Angeles.
It's all very foggy, but when I called for a reservation I heard, "For two? How about tomorrow?"
After asking her three times, tomorrow as in Thursday, not Thursday in four weeks, she laughed and said yes.
I got lucky. Someone important with a reservation must have come down with explosive diarrhea. Because if there is anything in my life I can count on, it is bad luck. So naturally, I felt dizzy and sick. I must be dying and this is my trip to Disney Land.
Gave my name and phone number and quickly emailed a friend to see if she could join me. Yep, she was able and willing.
Expecting a crappy table somewhere in the middle of the large but cozy room, I nearly peed my pants when I was seated in a quiet booth in a cove by the window. Surreal.
We asked who was cooking. Answer: Matt Molina. I must be hours from death, so let me write the rest of this entry as fast as possible.
Antipasti: Red Endive, Fennel and Parmesan with an anchovy/date dressing, which tasted light with an essence of citrus. YUM
From the Mozzarella bar: burrata with what I thought was brown butter and artichoke hearts, or leeks but who knows, I was delirious at that point. It was delicious.
We skipped the Primi course, sorry. But the Ricotta and Egg Raviolo sounded amazing.
Secondi: we had the Santa Barbara Spot Prawns "al diavolo" and the Grilled Whole Orata, wrapped in fig leaf. I recommend both.
Contorni: Roasted potatoes with rosemary, and wax beans with breadcrumb salsa.
Dolci: Olive oil sorbet with rosemary frittata. While not into sweets in general, this was incredible.
Well worth the hype. I'm a tough customer, and even the service was attentive but not intrusive. Amazing for a restaurant that isn't even a week old. Plus I got to watch Andy Richter and his family eat at a nearby table.
Next up, if I don't wake up dead -- Tom Colicchio's Craft -- or better yet Jenny Craig.
Posted by Moxie at 11:32 PM | Comments (13)
July 13, 2007
Friday the 13th
Lets just say upfront, I am not superstitious. I am owned by a black cat, and all.
This is my beautiful Mother's birthday!
She doesn't read my blog anymore, but Hi Mom! If she read this, she'd know how much I love and admire her, even though I just told her on the phone. But she doesn't read Moxie, because she hates the internets. And thinks it is a huge waste of time, because Al Gore invented it. Maybe she is right. Has Al Gore ever done anything right?
Live Earth is not convincing. Though his son's 100 mph in a Prius has amazed even engineers at Toyota.
Let's also say that no good deed goes unpunished. Sure, I like to be punished, but only when I've done something wrong. And sadly, I'm a g-rated, good girl.
Be sure to listen to my last Blog Talk Radio show, with John Hawkins from Right Wing News, Townhall.com and Conservative Grapevine.
We were glad to have him. Next time we will make sure he says more via water-boarding. Torture is a great impetus.
Posted by Moxie at 3:01 AM | Comments (9)
July 12, 2007
Today -- MoxVox 5PM Pacific, 8 PM Eastern
Special guest -- John Hawkins from Right Wing News, TownHall and Conservative Grapevine.
Steve will be there too as a co-host!
It will be fun. Click here to listen, but way cooler to use the call in number: 646.652.2695
Posted by Moxie at 2:32 AM | Comments (0)
July 11, 2007
important question
Posted by Moxie at 9:47 AM | Comments (7)
July 9, 2007
i like to share
This song has been stuck in my head for what seems like a couple of weeks. Maybe you can remove it for me.
Flight of the Conchords is on HBO. And if you aren't watching it -- you are doing something very wrong with your life. I suggest a time out, you motha flipper.
Posted by Moxie at 3:21 PM | Comments (17)
more fun with liberals and conservatives
It's kind of like Dick and Jane, but with half the stink.
Maia and I went Gelson's to pick up some food items for dinner. A very handsome and well groomed man was poised to pounce right outside the sliding doors.
As we approached, he said, "thank god you are here, ladies..."
Maia whispered that he was staring at my rack. I told her later, of course he was attracted to my boyish figure. He was a well groomed liberal and therefore gay.
I glanced to his right, which must have hurt, and saw a lifesized picture of Dick Cheney with some liberal message about impeaching our leaders.
At this point, we were within patchouli distance and I could smell "progressively" better and better. Without a thought I blurted out, " Sorry, I love Dick Cheney." Because I really do.
And honestly, he looked like the kind of guy who likes dick too.
Maia and I kept walking, chuckling. But the man shouted something about wanting to kill me. Because you know, if Dick Cheney is running around biting the heads off small children while they sleep and someone likes Dick Cheney, the natural response is violence.
Right?
Posted by Moxie at 1:40 AM | Comments (14)
July 8, 2007
more lessons from the left
Because I strive to understand liberals, I like to watch the movies they make.
I know what you are thinking -- how can I, Joe BlogReader, find one of these movies to watch firsthand?
Thank me later, but I do have an answer. Liberal movies, luckily for you, comprise 99.99% of all movies you can find on cable, Netflix, the local theater, or on the fine shelves of your neighborhood rental place. Shocking, I know. Who would have guessed an anti-American fringe movement had such visibiility.
Conservatives must be much busier. Who can make a movie while terror reigns, or babies are killed (and not by Dick Cheney), or Nancy Pelosi can spew her liberal diarrhea over anyone within earshot of her person, the TV, radio or YouTube.
Last night I watched some Hollywood movies. Five to be exact, along with some friends.
But right now, I'm only going to talk about the movie that taught us the most. You see, after one movie ended we'd look around at each other bewildered. Was there a plot? Why was this film made? What did we learn from it?
Well, here's something important from 2002's The Rules of Attraction. So listen up.
Those of us on the right who think gay men engage in nothing but bum fun and think gay men seek highway rest stops as vacation destinations are completely wrong.
Mark my words, since I am so very rarely wrong. It might not happen again in the next 10-20 years. So this is monumental.
What I learned from that liberal movie is that in the privacy of their own homes; gay men do nothing more than jump around together on their bed, dancing and laughing in their boxer-briefs.
Why are Republicans so upset by this behavior? I am shocked and appalled.
Why shouldn't one boxer-jumper be able to call their union to another jumping for joy boxer wearer a "marriage"? Obviously this is not significantly different than a man and woman who marry for love and want to have a family.
I'm just sayin'. I'm learning a lot from teh movies.
Posted by Moxie at 5:39 PM | Comments (3)
July 7, 2007
sympathy, from me anyway
I was very saddened to hear Jim Capozzola died.
Yeah, shocking. Conservative mentioning a liberal guy.
But I remember when he started his blog. Back then, there were about 200 popular political blogs in total, so you knew of people. Whether you agreed with them or not. It was a small town kind of atmosphere, at least, when you compare it to today's insanity.
I wanted to read more about Jim so I ended up (via google) on the fine Huffington Post.
Let's see what Jim Capozzola's lefty compadres had to say:
WEAK STOMACH WARNING...what you are about to read is vile.
What we really need is help with actual survival. Most of us need health insurance. We need computers. In fact, the single biggest thing you could do is set up a program that would give free laptops to bloggers, because so many of us live hand to mouth and when our computers go, we're silenced
Unreal. Lefties wanting strangers to provide for them. Free laptops. Handouts. But it gets better....
And what did his talent and dedication get him on the liberal side of the political noise machine? Some free books. A life that, as intellectually stimulating as it was, reduced him to living on the charity of strangers.
Noisy, yes. But I don't find liberalism intellectually stimulating, au contraire. But at least liberals are seeing one benefit to sitting around at home and blogging all day. Free books! Mental masturbation! Charity whores. Death that can be blamed on America!! YAY.
Yes, there is more from Jim's "friend" Susan Madrak:
Has it even occurred to them how much harder it is to get a "regular" job when you're publicly and politically active?
Wow, no. NEVER! I don't post my professional photography on this site for exactly that reason. Because I like to earn my own living. Much easier to say, "I can't work because I'm politically active" or just point to my maw and insist someone feed it.
What do they want, more redistribution of wealth? Hey, in that case, it's also hard to date and get married when you are publicly political. I want my fucking government matchmaking entitlement.
When does she get around to talking about Jim and his legacy? Ah here we go -- more of Huffington's finest (emphasis is mine):
There is not even a little doubt in my mind that, if The Rittenhouse Review's Jim Capozzola had remained a Republican, he'd be alive right now. He would have been in a well-paid think tank job, living the high life.
Yes, I am wiping my ass right now with a C-note. Later I will shave with diamonds. Then go have sex with my Republican boyfriend who shoots oil instead of semen. I'll give birth to a young oil well in about 9 months. No gifts. Instead send thanks to Halliburton, by earning more stock.
What in the name of truth (to power) is wrong with the left?
A guy died, and they can't even say something nice about him?
You know, "Jim loved the color blue, fought to impeach our President and liked to attend pro-choice rallies". I suppose, had Jim died during the Clinton administration, he'd still be alive today.
Perhaps John Edwards can channel his spirit, and speak for him in front of a jury of hard-up bloggers.
Someone dies. YES dies and all the left can do is turn it into the "bumper sticker". John Edwards is the same one who calls the war on terror a bumper sticker. By all means, he is the expert.
Ann Coulter recently had to readress something she wrote 3 years ago about John Edwards and his "ask me about my dead son" bumper sticker.
The other day we had Al Gore, who claimed on The Today Show that the greatest threat to humanity was Global Warming.
I think the greatest threat to humanity and Democracy (aside from Islamic fascist nutjobs) are liberals who can't string together a thought that wouldn't fit on a bumper sticker.
Rest in Peace Jim -- you are finally free of those libshit nuts.
Posted by Moxie at 12:11 AM | Comments (15)
July 6, 2007
Right Wing News
I'm guest posting over at Right Wing News, and NOT cross posting. Will keep it up until I have to sleep.
Read about the five things I've done today to make Al Gore cry. Comment over there, por favor.
Posted by Moxie at 4:42 PM
July 5, 2007
Blog Talk Radio -- Moxvox
Steve and I did what I thought was a test show, ripe with technological and government related problems. But then we listened to it, and we along with caller Mike LaRoche were unexpectedly delightful.
So -- during the show -- I retold the tale about meeting Paris Hilton, and how she wanted to stay in touch. My "gay houseboy" gave her his number. Yes, I am pathetic enough to start putting jokes in quotes. It's the macbook. Inadvertent politically correct behavior.
Anyway, this was right before her sidekick was hacked. You can imagine the results. But I talk about it during the show, so click the player in the sidebar.
The LA Times is reporting on the newest owner of Paris' old phone number. So I thought I'd link it.
Carry on.
Posted by Moxie at 8:09 PM | Comments (2)
July 3, 2007
newest incarnation of slavery...
Little brown people.
Here is a nice photo of Courteney Cox and her child, enjoying the beach.
You are welcome.
Posted by Moxie at 5:08 PM | Comments (7)
because i know you wonder...
-- I have not bought an iPhone, nor turned into one of those freaky mac evangelists.
-- Still not feeling the love for Al Gore, Michael Moore (he's bringing fatty back), and some name I am too tired to think of which rhymes with Moore and Gore.
-- Showering is good.
-- My insomnia has not been cured by my moxbook.
-- Productivity is nil.
-- My Blog Talk Radio show will carry on as planned Thursday. And you'd better call in with a question. New headset will be representing.
Posted by Moxie at 4:14 AM | Comments (6)
July 1, 2007
you don't have to be right wing to understand terror
My friend Amy Alkon had an interesting exchange -- with a woman who wants to use words and not war to deal with terrorists. You need to read the whole thing.
Here's my favorite part:
"Don't use the word Islamist!"What should I call them, terror-bunnies?
"What do you think of George Bush?" she demanded.
Immaterial! “They blew up the U.S.S. Cole on Clinton's watch! It's not about who's president. THESE PEOPLE WANT US DEAD!”
“And by the way,” I added, “I voted for that scumbag Kerry.”
I think these Topanga housewives are the most dangerous terrorists.
Posted by Moxie at 6:29 PM | Comments (5)
the real sicko
In the last MoxVox episode, we talked briefly about Michael Moore's "wonderful" experience with Cuban health care. I got quite a few emails, most earnestly wondering why we were not impressed with socialized medicine.
My shows are only an hour....but Michelle Malkin has a great round up from actual Cubans with experience.
Your job is to remind me (tomorrow) to type up the experiences of friends and family -- I've collected them with detail, first hand-- from folks living in Canadia and London. It's a mixed bag, not nearly as clear cut as our favorite fatumentary maker would suggest. A few of my sources lean right while others are plain old socialists.
I think it was Steve who wondered (out loud) why Michael Moore didn't "allow" the Cuban geniuses to cure his obesity.
Mike, you sicko....why diet when you can have that fancy high-tech socialized medicine fix your folds?
(PS: I LOVE reading the comments about how the "right" can't use facts, they have to pick on the weight of the filmmaker. If you don't understand why that makes me laugh until i pee my pants, I'll send you a free mouth guard and helmet to sport about town.)
Posted by Moxie at 1:05 AM | Comments (4)
