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August 31, 2006
where are my geeks?
Can anyone tell me why when I try to click through on commenter's URLs I get an error message? It used to work! Really, it did!
Any advice on how to fix this problem would be appreciated.
Posted by Moxie at 8:07 PM | Comments (18)
30 days -- kiss your freedom goodbye
Let me start out by saying, months before this show aired last season, someone from Morgan Spurlock's 30 Days production office said they wanted me to be one of their hamsters for an episode. Would I be interested? Hell no! But I wondered what this was all about so I hedged to get more info.
I think they thought I wasn't writing satire, but who knows. Liberals are almost always clueless when it comes to humor.
Anyway, I do on occasion watch the show on FX. Last week they tried to make pro-lifers look bad by putting an over-ridden blonde maned horse (who aborted a baby, because it was inconvenient for her) in a loving home filled with women who understand that unborn babies aren't "just clumps of cells".
Obviously, we were supposed to walk away thinking that pro-lifers were bible thumping weirdos and that pro-choicers weren't peddling a legal baby murdering service.
No, they are kind hearted people who also love un-aborted kids!
This week however, was the grand season finale for 30 Days. Thank god.
It was fun watching Morgan Spurlock -- who Steve H. likes to call a pussy because he threw up after eating a hamburger at McDonalds -- spend 30 days in the big house.
Except he only spent 25 days in the big house.
And as far as I can tell, he received some special treatment.
Like having his lock-down cell changed to one where his cell mates would make better TV. Spurlock got the luxury of working in the prison kitchen, and a transfer to the softer ward used for recovering drug addicts (also, for good TV). During his scheduled 72 hours in solitary, he says they can't even have books, however there is a book clearly visible in his cell during the first 10 shots.
Do it right or don't do it at all.
Early on in the show, he blames St. Nancy Reagan for her "Just Say No" campaign for locking up innocent people involved in using, selling and enabling drugs. WOW! What a horrible concept, locking up criminals!!!
At the end he has all these happy, warm-fuzzy feelings about how nice criminals are, how they are changed by the experience...but obviously not so much.
The follow ups show both of his favorite people ended up back in prison within weeks of their release. I'm sure he'd say it's because we aren't doing enough to make their prison time cushier. I think it means Spurlock and his inmates got it easy.
And we still don't know if he had to engage in man to man love up the pooper. I hope so...for 30 days.
Posted by Moxie at 3:01 AM | Comments (20)
August 30, 2006
Project Runway
I don't know if it is possible to devour a TV show, but if it's possible, that's how I feel when watching Project Runway.
And while I realize most of my commenters are male, maybe I can bring some of the girls out of lurking with this post!
The challenge was to create an outfit for a hip international jet setter, and the designers were their own models. So ostensibly, they should be creating a look that suits themselves and where they would be going, right?
Wrong.
During judging they asked certain contestants "where are you going in this outfit" and in other cases they criticized the designers because they couldn't go anywhere in the world with their creation. WTF?
Both Uli (who is consistent in her lovely style and construction) and scattered Angela were called out for having outfits that were limited in where they could travel and look good. Granted, Angela's crumpled homeless person look implied she might be heading to Vermont to sit in a protest tree and drink organic beer for a month, but I digress.
Uli's dress was lovely, and very well suited for jetting off to the locations she described.
As an example, they didn't bother to point out that Michael's (awesome) swag would look weird outside of the Hamptons, LA or Miami, so why pick on Uli?
After the runway, they dragged contestants off the runway and into the airport. It was a flight to Paris for the final judging. As Ann Althouse points out, it was really cruel -- they forced Laura (who is pregnant) to travel in her 4 inch heels.
In Paris, there were some surprises.
Our crunchy, tree-sitter Angela was auf'd instead of Kayne. Who did some sort of gaudy Liza Minelli/Elton John menswear.
Some of the judges weren't too keen on Vincent's practical choice, but I liked it. He was right, he is the twist!
Would have liked to see Laura win, her dress was the epitome of a jet setter, Michael always creates innovative, beautiful clothes that make me smile but instead it was the thick-tattoo-necked, no chin Jeffrey who won. He designed a rock-star get-up that looks like it is crawling with venereal disease. Especially his cheap crystal-encrusted crotch region. Way to go!!
Anyone else watching and have favorites?
UPDATE: Forgot to link the deliciously honest Tim Gunn's blog, which always makes it work. Except that it often doesn't work, Bravo not only has crappy web hosting, their runway photographers are amateurs, at best.
Posted by Moxie at 11:13 PM | Comments (11)
August 29, 2006
completely mental, I must say
So John Mark Karr wanted Johnny Depp to play him in the movie.
I'm going to suggest Ed Grimley as Karr, and Nicole Ritchie as JonBenet. Or Lisa Bonet? No, no. Jim Carrey, in drag.
Posted by Moxie at 5:48 AM | Comments (9)
last call
I think we have a great relationship. You know, me and you.
Yes YOU.
I don't write, and you don't read. There are no hurt feelings, no expectations and best of all you don't leave the lid up on the virtual toilet. Because Bentley will pee in there if the lid is left up, and he has poor aim.
Wednesday morning/Tuesday night, even if it hurts me more than it does you...I will do the new blogroll. So comment on this entry if you haven't already.
And by saying "this entry" I mean that one, not this one. Though you can comment here about non-blogroll related items.
What else?
Oh yes, here is some poon for my male readers.
And some sample cock for my female readers.
You're welcome.
Posted by Moxie at 2:51 AM | Comments (6)
August 22, 2006
why i have cats
I understand some people find them off-putting. Litter boxes are not all fun and games, unless you have a poop-fetish. And some weirdos have cats who are not talkative, friendly and somehow lack personality. While I have owned and been owned by about 10 cats in the course of my life, I've never experienced that but will take folks at their word. Just as not all liberals are hairy and smell bad (I have limited proof on that, Joe Lieberman showers. And Hillary Clinton shaves her moustache), surely not all cats are as amazing examples of the species as are mine.
Last year, when I adopted my third -- Puff Tatty after his drunk Dad abandoned him outside -- mostly I was accused of being a crazy cat lady, which is a title I am comfortable with. It's far better than being called pro-choice, or a Prius driver.
But now, I have photographic proof of how Puff earns his keep.
Don't click on the extended entry if bugs freak you out. This is not a visual masterpiece, merely evidence snapped in low light, without a flash or tripod at a brutal crime scene. It's for science.
(Should have put something in there for perspective on the size. The damn thing is nearly the size of my fist.)
Posted by Moxie at 1:55 AM | Comments (23)
August 21, 2006
Springtime for Hitler
It's the Pajamas Media of the restaurant world!
How could anyone in their right mind think that would be a good idea?
UPDATE: They are renaming the restaurant. May I suggest Open Source Eatery?
Posted by Moxie at 1:30 PM | Comments (9)
August 20, 2006
i like green
Especially when green is complemented (and complimented!) with dead President's faces.
Yeah, I'm busy making money, but I'm going to do my best to post something new every day this week. Blogging takes discipline, and I need more of that to get my work done.
Los Angeles has taken its toll on me -- no, I'm not eating vegan -- more like, I've been so lazy I'm practically a card-carrying liberal. If this continues, Karl Rove is going to break down my door and confiscate my huge piles of Halliburton stock certificates.
Posted by Moxie at 11:08 PM | Comments (3)
August 19, 2006
good question
ANSWER: How about commenting over here if you have me linked and would also like to be on my links list? My "real life" friends will be included automatically.
I'm going to give it a few more days, because right now, the thought of recreating my blogroll gives me Tourette's.
Posted by Moxie at 6:48 PM | Comments (4)
August 18, 2006
friday cat blogging
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UPDATE:
Poor Puff Tatty felt left out. Click below to see his smiling feline face.
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Posted by Moxie at 8:01 PM | Comments (12)
August 14, 2006
death is imminent
I'm now convinced. My housekeeper is trying to kill me.
While complaining to me about the heat and dramatically wiping her brow, she was simultaneously tucking flannel sheets (and a winter blanket) into the corners of my bed.
Later, I found ONE sponge in the kitchen sink.
Don't think I am weird, but not being a liberal, I like to clean my sink surfaces with one sponge, and use yet another for plates, bowls and silverware.
This would not be a HUGE issue had I not found "cleaned" silverware in the drying rack directly touching the cat litter sifter, also newly cleaned of feline feces.
I could go on -- shall I?
As a parting gift, the toilet brush and canister is frequently left on the sink right next to toothbrushes, hand towels and soap.
Granted mouths aren't much cleaner than asses, especially when you use utentils cleaned with a germ-filled sponge also used to purge a plastic thing of cat poop, but let's not tempt fate.
Pardon me, while I boil my belongings.
STILL IMPORTANT: please comment here as I am updating my blogroll by week's end...starting from scratch.
Posted by Moxie at 1:26 AM | Comments (28)
August 12, 2006
i hate this shit...
but half of my blogroll seems to consist of blogs that were abandoned years ago.
I'd do the automatic recipri-roll thing but some people I read every darn day, like Ann Althouse don't have me on their blogroll. And there are weird spammers setting up blogrolls with me on it to promote penis enlargement, and I'd like to eliminate them. Because I don't have a penis.
As I have tired of using other people's blogrolls, I'm starting from scratch. The current shindig has been condemmed.
There are local friends who will be added automatically. So, please if you aren't local, have me linked and want to be associated with a sociopath like myself, leave a comment with your URL.
Posted by Moxie at 12:24 AM | Comments (70)
August 11, 2006
positive thinking, moxie-style
Because I've had some good luck the last few days, and good things do not happen to me, I expect to die momentarily. Sorry for the short notice.
At first I thought, death is the ONLY bad thing that hasn't happened to me. Yet.
So, because we at the Moxtopia Compound are all about positive thinking, I have compiled a list of a few other bad things that haven't happened to me at the time of this broadcast:
1. A rat has not fallen out of my hair, while on a date.
2. I have not acquired a previously unknown and crippling STD from sleeping with Keith Olbermann.
3. My face has not been ravaged by the flesh eating bacterial infection, also known as "liberalism".
4. No bleeding, oozing ears nor swelling in my eyesockets from experiencing Pamela's vlogs.
5. Midgets have not emerged from my anus. Yet.
Please feel free to post your own tales of "bad things that haven't happened to you, yet" in the comments.
Posted by Moxie at 3:13 PM | Comments (17)
August 10, 2006
happy belated anniversary
We forgot our own anniversary!
Slightly more than two years ago, Steve H and I began an experiment in conservative eugenics. Sadly, midget porn has robbed his sperm of its former vitality. No baby Coulters or O'Reillys have been harmed in the creation of this post.
Here is the original post:
June 14, 2004
Mox-eugenics
Although there are few things I enjoy more than gratuitous eating of pork products, engaging in capitalism and bleeding monthly all while hanging around the local extremist-mosque (all three make terrorists cry), I do look forward to my Moxtopia Selective Breeding program™.
Since my quest to have all liberals chemically sterilized has failed, I’ve resorted to creation of those who can render a liberal infertile with only an evil glare.
Yes, yes, I'm fucking nuts but... More important than finding a man with huge bulging oil wells muscles and a perfectly chiseled oil rig visage -- is scoring a breeding partner to participate in what I will expect to be the greatest vast right wing production in America.
As we well know even female Republicans are in reality fat, bald men with hairy backs.
So I'll have to put on my Moxie mask in order to score the least offensive-looking and most intellectually superior right-wing man on the planet. Who cares if he’s married? I’m not looking for a husband. I have one of those. I just refuse to procreate with him on the basis of his politics (but g* d damn he’s hot).
Sadly it seems Ann Coulter isn’t breeding and thank god it doesn’t appear that MoDo is, so this is the VRWC’s chance to get ahead. And I’m stepping up to the plate.
I’m not thinking about squeezing out one or two. I’d like enough right-minded children to fill an entire Republican cabinet. Kind of like the Bush twins and their ilk -- but smarter. My kids won’t get caught while drinking with fake ID's. They’ll be spanking the short-sighted police officers for denying them their birthright. And for the record there are no plans to produce a Billy Bush.
Coming from a long line of Republicans, I know how to avoid the unfortunate result of hairy liberal feminist children. Some say the sight of a newborn with hairy limbs and armpits kills the conservative mother upon first sight. Likewise I will bear no boy-children who hug trees (and hump men) while being physically indistinguishable from their pinko feminist sisters.
Only men with the right brain power, looks and attitude will make the cut for the mox-VRWC eugenics program. Breeding applications accepted below. Only those willing to produce children who’ll take over the world will be considered.
Posted by Moxie at 9:38 PM | Comments (13)
Steve H is gonna loathe this
Remember, he is the man whose current tagline is, "-- Islam: the Sole Reason it Takes an Hour to Get on a Plane --"
He may have to revise that to, "the sole reason it takes 3-6 hours to get on a plane, if your flight isn't cancelled".
Or, "Islam, the reason your flight may never land".
Last shot, "Islam, the reason you need to taste your own breast milk (and urine) before boarding a flight".
Anyway, I hoped to go to sleep early tonight, instead I am watching Fox News, and following this "foiled" UK terror threat.
Here's what is known:
- somewhere between 20-50 people were arrested in the UK. All were "very close" to getting on planes with "liquid explosives" (Fox News and Sky News via the TV).
- IN the UK CRAZY restrictions on what you can carry on the plane. No liquids, unless they are for your baby and you are willing to taste them in front of airport security.
- Loads of troubles at airports, cancelled flights, long queues.
- US is also banning carry on luggage, looking for a story to link, this again is from Fox News on the TV. Threat level raised, to Severe for inbound flights from the UK. "High" for domestic flights.
What I am wondering is, if the plot is more widespread...we have some MIA students from Egypt...any connection?
Obviously, I'm not a go-to source for breaking news. But I'm here and I'll update this as long as I stay away for anyone who cares to get my take. So in other words, that's everyone except for liberals, who think the terrorist threat is a Rovian creation. Or those peace-freaks who think the solution to this problem is to bow down to Allah and don burkas.
UPDATE:
Scotland Yard spokesman is speaking, I can hardly understand a word he's saying. But oddly, he is sexy and comforting! Something about "mass murder on an unimaginable scale". From Islam? The religion of peace?!!! Noooooooo.
UPDATE:
No gel based products allowed on flights? Someone call the UK version of the ACLU. This is clearly discrimination against metrosexuals, who need their hair gel, and moisterizers on long flights.
Posted by Moxie at 1:41 AM | Comments (10)
August 7, 2006
no excitement required
This is not yet another Reuter's poorly faked photo.
Just a crappy photo taken off the sides of a reflective building.
UPDATE: Some people didn't get it...look here.
Posted by Moxie at 6:19 PM | Comments (7)
August 2, 2006
You know you had a good idea when....
Scarborough Country is a day behind you.
Tony alerted me to MSNBC's on-air take of the scientific experiment regarding Hollywood anti-semite Mel Gibson. Hmmmm, looks familiar.
Where did I see that before?
Oh yes!!
It was also somehow Metafiltered, too.
Someone should pay me to be me.
Steve H scooped me on my own scoop!
Tags: "mel gibson" | joe scarborough
Posted by Moxie at 6:46 PM | Comments (9)
MELodious dreams
I am just waking up, the post Mel hangover is difficult to describe.
That said, I need to apologize to Mel for my behavior yesterday, I failed miserably at becoming anti-semitic. I shamed him and all other bigots in the world who choose to use booze as an excuse to mouth off at the Jews.
So sleep came early, while the guys labored forcing drink after drink, trying to prove or disprove our hypothesis. In an odd way, it felt like I was inviting people to white-wash the fence with me.
"It'll be fun!!"
Meanwhile, as I slept, there were the feverish dreams. Me curled up on the couch watching "Fiddler on the Roof" and "Yenta" with Mel's bigoty arms wound tightly around me. Tighter and tighter, until I couldn't breathe. Then the apologetic penny and bagel give aways.
For my penance I will fast 25 hours for Tisha B'Av. Then I can blame my behavior on the lack of food and booze. Yeah, that'll work.
I invite Mel Gibson to do the same.
Tags: "mel gibson" | mel gibson
Posted by Moxie at 12:45 PM | Comments (9)
August 1, 2006
Carnival of Mel
Mel has apologized in a decent way (finally) but here at the Moxtopia compound, we are conducting a scientific experiment to determine exactly how much booze it takes to make a normal person become a bigot. Sure, it's a Tuesday, but we're doing this because we care.
Therefore, I, Moxie the atheist am drinking nonstop for the next 10 hours and posting every hour...the goal is to identify the amount of booze required to spew even one anti-semitic slur.
Joining me will be a good Christian, Steve H. of Hog on Ice.
Our control subject will be Aaron, who is an observant Jew.
It's the unholy trinity!
Stay tuned, this should be a huge event.
UPDATE 12:35pm (Aaron): First of all, I'd like to thank our dear Carnival of Mel hostess for inviting me to participate. I've had the privilege of Moxie's hospitality before and am looking forward to it. Moreover, Moxie knows she can count on me to do just about anything that the Koran prohibits... like the blessing of alcohol. I'm going to start my end of the Carnival off with a jigger of Cuervo, a lick of salt and a slice of lime. L'chaim!
UPDATE: 12:48pm (Steve H)
First post: I've had one beer and I feel like slapping Jackie Mason. But then I always feel like that.
UPDATE: 1:00pm (MOXIE) I've been busy finding exactly the right mix of limoncello and club soda. Limoncello is Italian, Mussolini probably tossed back a lot of this liquor, so I thought I'd start there. Jews? They're still okay by me.
UPDATE: 1:36pm (Steve H)
Make Mine Manischewitz
I've had two beers now. And I felt I was progressing too slowly, so from here on out, I will chase every beer with a shot. Or two. MORE
UPDATE 1:55pm (Aaron): Well, I was tempted to go all Abe Foxman on Moxie and point out that her suggestion that I control the Carnival feeds into the conspiracy freak fantasies, but I'll let that one side. I've tapped my antisemitism meters to make sure the needle isn't stuck and have replaced the batteries. So far, neither my Jewdar nor the meter is registering anything on Mox or Steve. And I'll drink to that. Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, please.
UPDATE: 2:23pm (Moxie)
After a limoncello cocktail and a german (top fermented) beer, I'm now rolling around in shellfish while staring at a picture of Andy Samberg. Don't worry, I'm being chaste, I have yarmulke's covering my yan ba-dang-ga-dang-dig-a-diggities.
UPDATE: 2:30pm (Steve H)
I Own Malibu...Flavored Rum
I am now on my third beer and shot. MORE
UPDATE: 3:30pm (Moxie)
I realized I had to move my car for street cleaning. I "accidentally" ran over a parking nazi who was trying to ticket the Rabbi's minivan. Came back and did a shot. Yes, a buttery nipple.
UPDATE: 3:30pm (Steve H)
Ugly Thoughts
Four beers down. And shots. You know.
Would it be anti-Semitic to say what I really think about kosher wine? MORE
UPDATE 3:45pm (Aaron): Wow. References to hogs, nazis, and yarmulkes... yet no sign of a pogrom anywhere. Unless you visit CAIR, of course. But they never have drinking contests and wouldn't know fun if it was belted to explosives. Whoops. My bad. Was that antisemitic? Score so far: Mox-0, Steve-0, Aaron-0.5. Hey bartender, another Sierra Nevada, please.
UPDATE: 4:45pm (Moxie)
hearing strange music in my head. Hava nagila, hava....nagila, hava nagila hava nagila hava nagila hava nagila hava nagila hava nagila hava nagila hava nagila Oy!
UPDATE: 5:45pm (Steve H)
Mixed Reading
Five beers, etc. I want to make out with Meryl Yourish. On the back of a camel.
UPDATE 5:55pm (Aaron): There's a humping Meryl reference in there someplace, Steve.
Maybe it's the booze, but I'm wondering if others have a hankering to see Mox in the tank on the right.
Is that so wrong?
I just phoned my wife and told her to put the kids on the extensions. Then I yelled "joooooooos!". Oy. But in the interest of science, I'll have another Sierra Nevada and mail in my annual membership check to the Elders of Zion. Just kidding. Really.
UPDATE: 6:25pm (Steve H):
Hi
Six beers to the good. Sssssix. Beers. Pretty little beers. I love you. Beers!
Time to call Ann Althouse to see if she can hook me up with some shrooms.
UPDATE 6:35pm (Aaron): It's the $%^@*# Hughs! I think I'm losing it. Meryl, who's been sober, clearly isn't losing it. At least not tonight. Can't say the same for Moxie. About being sober, that is. Anyone have an oral New Balance extractor? Moxie? Moxie???
UPDATE: 6:50pm (Steve H):
I Feel Fine
I have had seven beers and shots. Seven...is the loneliest number that could ever beeeeeee...I have a confession to make. A confession. I hate kreplach. Unless it has pork in it. Then it's dum sim. Sum. Dim.
Do you ever think of Pamela from Atlas Shrugs naked? With oil?
Oh, whatever. I know you do. I know you DO. Asshole.
Springtiiiime...for Hitlerrrr...and Germanyyyyyy...foreskinnnnnn...for Polanddddd...and Frannnnce...
My buddy Mel is late. He is have. Had. Car troubles.
UPDATE 7:08pm (Aaron): Wondering out loud. Can't spell Meryl without M-E-L. And if she were the last woman on earth and Mel Gibson and Steve were the last men, who would Meryl choose to be the new father of a world of joooos?
Wake up, Mox. I can't audit your dreams for black leather jackboots instead of white leather go-go boots. Just askin' for Equal time, that's all.
Maybe if I drink some German beer? Späten Weiss, with a slice of lemon. Ja.
UPDATE: 7:32pm (Steve H):
Give me a Kiss
Meryl...stop hanging up on me. You know you want some of this. Eight. Eight?
Mel says the awful Jews stole his car keys.
My pal Mel is in a halfway house. I mean...I mean halfway IN the house. I opened the door and he called me a hebe, so I whacked him with a big wooden cruficix I won playing bingo. More.
Tags: "mel gibson" | mel gibson
Posted by Moxie at 11:58 AM | Comments (23)
lipstick libby does los angeles
Even though the weather has cooled off considerably, my 1920’s townhouse is holding heat like Satan’s ass. A few moments ago, I stepped past the Moxtopia compound gates for some cooler air and to see what the unwashed masses were doing.
Once outside, I saw a “sensitive and artistic” hipster male specimen walking with his young “lipstick liberal” girlfriend. She pushed him down on a stained, mildewed mattress left outside for pick up.
They assume some pornographic poses and I start to walk back inside, because I’m terrified of what I might see, even peripherally.
It’s a proven scientific fact that liberals don’t know when to say when. And why would they? Of course, he has no worries about creating baby liblets, because she’s the type who is on birth control, the most reliable kind, a standing monthly appointment at the abortion clinic.
Thankfully as I am making my way back to the safety of the compound, they get up and start walking towards me. They are drunk (of course), and giddy with delight over their "romantic" interlude. And because it's my job, I spread some patented Moxie sober-up words of encouragement and delight of my own,
“You have no idea how many dogs have peed on that mattress today...let alone the last five days!”
Shockingly, I was the only one laughing. They're liberals, I thought they enjoyed smelling of mother earth and all her little four legged creatures. Color me surprised.
Posted by Moxie at 12:46 AM | Comments (13)
