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July 13, 2006

true story

His hands were caked in what looked like dried shit and, well fresh shit. His hair looked thin and fine, but it had formed dreadlocks. It was hard to tell his age through the visible fog of body odor (AKA, liberal perfume).

This homeless intellectual was lecturing the clerk* at my neighborhood store about why he couldn't pay, why he should be GIVEN his 40 ounce and most importantly why he would never get a job.

I stood a good distance away until the liberal left. The man at the register quickly pulled out an aerosol can and "cleared the air" so to speak.

The clerk began ranting about how this guy was in the store for 20 minutes explaining why he never wanted to get a job.

Entitlements. Free food in a nice neighborhood. Welfare. Food stamps. Begging, apparently is profitable beyond what I had expected. I might have to try it. If you see a blonde girl outside Halliburton headquarters, it's me.

His zinger was, "I could get a job...I used to work for {big company} -- but I never want to work for some asshole in an office again."

Of course not, it's much easier to live off MY money. And walk around polluting the environment with his unwashed hairy body while blaming the right.

The clerk was ranting about our local homeless intellectual. I bit my lip.

Before I left, I looked the clerk in the eye and said, "You're a Republican, aren't you?"

He responded with a quick, "F*ck yeah! I don't want to pay for those people. He can get a job, too."

This is Los Angeles.

* he's Mexican

Posted by Moxie at July 13, 2006 5:21 AM |icon_su.gifStumble It! |85x10-digg-link.gif | del.icio.us


Around these parts, homeless intellectuals hit upon a marvelous plan to forever live upon the public dole. They call it the University of Florida.

Posted by: Gunny at July 13, 2006 8:33 AM

Ick. Sorry. Hope you were close to a shower.

There's a guy who works at the auto parts store here who wears a liberal dose of liberal perfume, and everytime I see him I want to hose him down. Now that, I could do: A sanitation station- a place where trhe homeless couls be hosed down with an industrial pressure washer.

Posted by: og at July 13, 2006 10:35 AM

The Daily Spork's Deoduce used to describe her trips to the supermarket like as if she were going to a bazaar in Mogadishu. Because of similar incidents like yours, she just recently moved out of L.A. with her husband(Master of None).

I saw more bums in San Francisco in a week than I've ever seen in a couple of the poorest states. If California's notorious cost of living is so high for the bums, maybe they should be transplanted to the South where they could upgrade from cardboard and newspapers on the sidewalk to their very own trailers located away from the urban hustle and bustle! That should keep them out of sight and out of mind!

Posted by: reagan80 at July 13, 2006 12:01 PM

Could LA use a few more bums? I could send you all of Eugene's.

Posted by: Bob at July 13, 2006 3:20 PM

The clerk was Mexican? This is like something out of the Twilight Zone...

I'm Hispanic, and I can tell you that guys like that make up a lot more of the % of Hispanic people who live here than you, or the media would lead you to believe, would think.

As for Gunny's remarks, I lived in Tallahassee for three years and had to visit UF a lot. It's a fun college town in which to have a few drinks, but there were way more East-Coast granolas than you would have thought. I guess they like humidity?

Posted by: Saul at July 13, 2006 3:50 PM

The bum sanctuary here in Texas can be found 80 miles north of San Antonio by way of I-35.

Posted by: Mike in S.A. at July 13, 2006 3:51 PM

To respond to Reagan80 who said
"If California's notorious cost of living is so high for the bums, maybe they should be transplanted to the South where they could upgrade from cardboard and newspapers on the sidewalk to their very own trailers located away from the urban hustle and bustle! That should keep them out of sight and out of mind!"

They may be out of your sight but not ours.If you want to ship the homeless somewhere i would suggest Kansas as a better substitute than the south.Just let them roam amongst the wheat and sunflowers . Kinda like a free range bum.
But please keep that deragatory attitude toward the south as it means you probably will never visit .

Posted by: Cracker at July 14, 2006 12:26 PM

F**k no, keep the bums out of Kansas. We don't need any "big city" liberals out here. Problem is, they would roam into my house out among the sunflowers and wheat.

Posted by: Jeffro at July 14, 2006 1:54 PM

I hear Seattle is looking for more homeless intellectuals to finish blanketing Pioneer Square. Maybe they should connect trolleys with LA.

Posted by: Ben at July 14, 2006 2:01 PM


"But please keep that deragatory attitude toward the south as it means you probably will never visit."

Being derogatory wasn't my intention. I've resided in various places in Mississippi and Louisiana including New Orleans until Katrina paid us a visit. I've lived in the South all of my life, and I'm proud to be part of this region.

I was just trying to make a twisted observation. I've been around places where the economy is practically nil without seeing a single panhandler. When I go to a more wealthy stronghold of Leftist policies like San Fran or Washington D.C., the sidewalks are deluged with them.

I guess you could consider my last post as some form of oblique praise for the spartan character of the South.

Posted by: reagan80 at July 14, 2006 5:20 PM

Jeffro, that's why they make shotguns.

Posted by: Firehand at July 14, 2006 5:52 PM

Bums to Hawaii - They'll have a nice climate and will not likely ever gather the funds to get out of there. Hell, charter an airplane and fill it up!

Posted by: Guaman at July 15, 2006 3:39 AM

Ugh, saw my first bum in the town I work in, just this morning...then I see Moxie's post.

This is a pretty nice town in Connecticut, too. Very weird to see a guy crossing the street with a shopping cart, right near the Jaguar dealership.

Fortunately, most Connecticut bums are seasonal.

Typically when it's going to be below zero with a wind chill for several days in a row they try to hustle the Hartford bums into shelters.

I have to laugh with a hard heart when the TV news crews are covering the story of the poor freezing bums that didn't manage to fly South this year.

Posted by: lauraw at July 15, 2006 6:52 AM

keep your bums on the coasts thank you. and yes, mike in sa, i sometimes go to austin up i35 for bumviewing as well.

mox. you should develop a new perfume called money, that smells like newly printed dollars and market it.

better yet, make it an aerosol, so it is environmentally incorrect. market it as a bum repellent.

Posted by: mlah at July 15, 2006 1:03 PM

that was gross

Posted by: jr at July 15, 2006 1:39 PM

In Hawai'i, the bums are being forced to move because the beaches are being renovated.

Irony theatre at its finest.

Posted by: Damian G. at July 15, 2006 6:53 PM

The only cure for the bum population is for the police to lock them up for EVERYTHING illegal they do. It is nasty work as they really stinnk up a car for a while when you have to transport them. Then you actually have to search them. If you have ever found something that has been dead a while, thats how most of their feet and shoes smell. Back to my point, if they feel that the laws of man are being enforced, like public urination, criminal trespassing, and theft (you don't think they buy those squegees do you?), they'll move on to a place where they are not enforced. So when you see the police locking up a bustout (midwest bum), give a little golf clap.

Posted by: bustouthunter at July 15, 2006 11:10 PM

A lefty recently commented on my blog. She called a bum a Global Citizen! Yeah, well this Global Citizen raped and murdered a nine year old girl.

I do love the bum in San Francisco who stands behind the bush and scares the shit out of people, then the people across the street give him money. He's got to be making a fortune. There's another guy in Tampa who holds up a sign that reads, "I need a beer and THATS the truth!"

Posted by: tony at July 16, 2006 4:56 AM

Ugh!!! Global Citizen, my eye. What a waste.

Friends of mine have seen the bush guy in S.F., and say he is comical. He does get points for creativity, but it does seem a little creepy.

If anybody wants a laugh, read the police blotter from Arcata,California. The homeless intellectual ( along with "fun-buncher" and "traveler" ) force is strong in that town. I live near Arcata, and have witnessed the spectacle; Amazing and atrocious.

Posted by: jason at July 16, 2006 5:12 PM


Sorry for the misunderstanding but bashing the Southland is one of the buttons to push if ya want to get me going. I have just become so used to people disparaging that which i love the most. I'll just find that shoe extractor to remove my size 12 boot from my mouth.

Posted by: Cracker at July 17, 2006 8:21 AM

Y'all keep debating to which state the bums should be sent. Meanwhile, I'll be looking out my Dallas office window at Halliburton headquarters for a certain young lady with blond hair and legs that just don't quit. . .

Posted by: MrSpkr at July 19, 2006 12:36 PM

Hey Ray,

Bashing the homeless again? Why don’t you go back to the days when you used lighter fluid and set them on fire while they slept? I know for a fact that was a favorite pastime of Moxie’s youth.

But seriously,

I've given bum control some thought through the years. I worked in a psychiatric hospital for 4 years which included the period in the mid seventies where the "Community Psychiatry" movement began to have its way. Under this horrific PC, Liberal if you must, plan patients were believed to be better off if they were moved from the wards, where effective drugs were being used to control their psychosis (but to the outsider they looked “doped up and oppressed”), to halfway houses and ultimately the streets. The administration of medication became erratic and then none existent as the funds were cut to outside support networks (social workers, satellite clinics, etc) also around the same time patient’s rights groups, composed mostly of ex-patients, sued and won the right to refuse medication, which essentially left the nuts in charge of deciding how to care for themselves.

The point is, that nearly every bum you and the rest of the Moxites have encountered is mentally disturbed, not Liberal or god forgive Conservative (which is I guess a form of mental illness….), smelly for sure and full of wild, irrational, illogical ideas about what constitutes reality and their place in it. They are not a social movement (anyone who would give consideration to their ranting might look into inpatient care for themselves) or do they represent anything other than the extent of neglect a society can heap on the helpless. America in general refuses to fund a place them in humane surroundings where they would come to no harm (remember the streets are a dangerous place) and would not degrade Moxie’s shopping experiences or anybody else’s.

Posted by: Strawman at July 21, 2006 11:18 AM

Speaking of body stench...

I’m running a contest over at the Dead Pool. Which will be deadlier this summer, the IDF or French neglect of their geriatric parents and grandparents as they go on vacation?

Chat it up.

Posted by: Aarons cc at July 21, 2006 4:29 PM

Moxie you need a gun.
I recommand a G-26(Glock 26). Its a subcompact 9-milimeter, and holds ten. Easy recoil and very accurate. Its size makes it easy to hide, some say to easy. You can't get a better smaller gun.

Downside: Caliber. 9-milimeter doesn't pack much punch, but its better to hit once with a 9 milimeter then missing six or a dozen times with a 45.

Posted by: Terry at July 21, 2006 9:51 PM

"His hair looked thin and fine, but it had formed dreadlocks. It was hard to tell his age through the visible fog of body odor (AKA, liberal perfume)."

From your description I thought he you were talking about one of our sociology profs!

Posted by: Patricia at July 22, 2006 8:16 AM

My brother (oldest) is unemployed and now trying a little to get a hs teacher's job.He has parked himself in a home my parents own,and expected them to pay utilities,spending money,car ins,etc.
In the past,I've given him low 5 figure loans to help him out,that are never repaid. I suggeseted he apply for a substitute teacher certificate and he went ballistic on me.He told me after i declined to pay his health ins any more(600/month),that he was afraid he'd suicide.the only sspirit he's shown is criticizing Pres. Bush for sexual harassment of Chanc . Merkel and parroting the NYT's.I'm cutting off the cable and not paying for the Timers when it's up for renewal. That'll show him

Posted by: corwin at July 25, 2006 8:03 PM