Crow laws
The great thing about an old Porsche is, for example (and I’m totally making this up) — after a long drive in the mountains and canyons of Angeles National Forest with your boyfriend, who also owns an old Porsche — the engine actually runs smoother. It sounds buttery.
I was winding up the engine, 4,000 RPMs in 1st gear after stopping for some pizza back in town. We commented on the great sound of the engine. A big fat crow was sitting in the middle of the road. I braked, but he didn’t budge.
Jokingly I said, “okay then, I’m going to run you over, mister” and proceeded slowly. Mr. Crow seemed convinced he could make me stop my car entirely, and I was convinced he’d take flight in time.
Seconds later, I heard the thunk and crunch.
And I tried to make sure he’d experience the underside of my car, not a tire.
This is the first animal I’ve ever hit with my car, accidentally-on-purpose in my entire 20 years of driving.
I looked at my boyfriend, tearful, nearly paralyzed and said, “I thought he’d fly away. That was a joke. I feel awful, I’m a cold bloodless conservative!”
He pointed out that a greasy hipster driven Mini Cooper behind us, a vehicle significantly smaller than the crow, ran over him seconds afterwards.
Later there were crows squawking outside my office window. Boyfriend suggested, “They’re planning revenge, ‘that’s the woman who killed Bob’”.
I disagreed. The crow’s name should be Jim, and if I blogged it that way some libtard would find a way to twist it, and yet here I am calling the crow Jim. What’s bad about that?
“Do you still love me,” I asked?
“Yes, and Puff Tatty will be so proud”.
I killed Jim Crow.
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May 27th, 2008 at 7:03 am
Its too bad you couldn’t scrape off ‘buzzy’ (or Jim Crow) and bring him home to Puff - Tatty:
“Starve a Fever and Feed a cold is a remedy for cats like you its best to eat some fresh crow meat cooked in a deep dish stew.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEdnu56bV98
As a Liberal would say: “eh…. that sounds logical!”
… and too bad puff - tatty has’nt a cold either.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Did you use a crowbar to get the parts off your Porsche?
May 27th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Later there were crows squawking outside my office window. Boyfriend suggested, “They’re planning revenge, ‘that’s the woman who killed Bob’”.
Maybe the crow’s name was actually Damien Thorn!
May 27th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
By the way, if you plan on running over any turkey vultures you’d be better off using a Dodge Ram 1500.
Just so you know…
May 27th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Thanks for the advice, Mike. Not many turkey vultures in Los Angeles, but it’s good information to have on hand.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Didn’t you read Rime of the Ancient Mariner? But then again over the course of two consecutive summers back in college I accidentally ran over a pigeon and two sparrows — all in flight — and look how fabulous things have turned out for me, so pay no heed to all that “curse” talk.
May 28th, 2008 at 2:07 am
maybe this is really obvious, but do you remember the seinfeld episode about this, when george hits a pigeon? “we had a deal!”
i need to get out more…
May 28th, 2008 at 4:16 am
okay so apparently i’m the only retard here. . . what part of the post was made up?. . .
May 28th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
The part about it being made up, of course.
May 28th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
“. . . what part of the post was made up?. . .”
Hmmmm… good question, Bloopy.
Lesseee….
Angeles National Forest…. check
Mountains and canyons of Angeles National Forest … check
Moxie’s old Porsche … check
Moxie’s boyfriend … check
Puff Tatty … check
Moxie … check
crow … check
The incident happening? Hmmmm…. I dunno. Maybe a slow motion replay from the referees would be in order.
May 28th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
I was hoping the part about the boyfriend was made up.
May 28th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
The whole post is true, the made-up part is that I was making it up — as my friend Pkxh already commented.
Much to my shock and delight — after more single years than I’d care to count — I have an amazingly perfect boyfriend, someone I love very much.
My hope is, my own happiness (and good luck) is contagious for all who read my blog.
May 28th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
My hope is, my own happiness (and good luck) is contagious for all who read my blog.
I hope you’re right…
May 28th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
OK, but the important thing we need to know was there any damage to the car?!!!
Console yourself with the crow was probably ill and too weak to move, maybe he was begging for death. Maybe suicide by car.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Heather, you are sweet — an old Porsche is bulletproof.
No damage.
But I do hope you are right that I fell victim to a crow suicide attempt, somehow that would be less guilt and more fait accompli.
May 29th, 2008 at 12:02 am
Not many turkey vultures in Los Angeles
I figure there would be plenty of turkeys and vultures around city hall and the county courthouse.
May 29th, 2008 at 1:15 am
“I have an amazingly perfect boyfriend, someone I love very much.”
I am glad for you, Moxie. I really hope things turn out for you and your boyfriend. Here’s hoping hes ‘the man’ and that it is as fresh and ‘young’ in 20 years as it is now.
It is better to wait for the right one (as you seem to have done) than to worry about getting too old (ie kids) as many people do in their youth.
I have seen friends’ relationships (and siblings) with their spouses grow old before their times because of one unseen flaw or another and neither could cope, adapt or change in regards to those unseen character flaws.
“somehow that would be less guilt and more fait accompli”
Ya. Animals can sure be unpredictable at times, aren’t they? The un-necessary death of an animal is rather unsettling. I just hope you don’t take too much responsibilty for its death, Mox. The alternative could indeed be rather silly: I get this image of you getting out of your car and trying to push this crow out of the way while highway traffic zooms by.
Theres a fine line between concern and nuttiness for an animals welfare. But we sure know when we’ve crossed that boundary. At least us cold-hearted conservatives do.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:59 am
“My hope is, my own happiness (and good luck) is contagious for all who read my blog.”
Oh, Moxie, that is so sweet.
As you may well know, dating is very easy. Its finding someone that’ll put up with your hooey that’s hard.
May 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Depending on the year, the Porsche might have a K Jetronic fuel injection system by Bosch.
THis system “records” the way you drive- jeeps track of your driving habits, albeit in a very crude way- and the more you drive, the better it tailors the engine system to you. If you leave one sit for a while, it has to “re learn” your habits.
May 30th, 2008 at 12:27 am
Og, my Porsche is a 1985 Carrera, the car I fell in love with when I was about 13-14 years old. I’d be shocked if it had the fancy technology you speak of…
But one thing is for certain. The engine loves to be driven hard.
May 30th, 2008 at 1:32 am
I’d be shocked if it had the fancy technology you speak of…
Maybe it does. After all, David Hasselhoff’s 1982 Pontiac Trans Am had a talking computer.
May 30th, 2008 at 5:58 am
i dunno if i’d say KITT *had* a talking computer as much as it *was* a talking computer. . . but now that i read the wikipedia page on it, apparently the show’s creator agrees with you. . . whatever, he’s probably behind that whole midichlorian thing that george lucas introduced in episode 1!. . .
May 31st, 2008 at 7:17 am
Actually, it does. It has either a K jetronic or L jetronic, with a Bosch Motronics driveability system, according to the manual. if it didn’t, you’d be taking it to a mechanic every six months to have it tuned (driving or not) The Bosch system was used in most models back to 72, and the switch from K jetronic to L jetronic took place in the early 80’s.
I like the little kraut cars but I’m holding out for a 914-6. The mid-engine is easier (for me, anyway) to sling around curves, and I like the balance better. Plus, at my size, the 914 is the most ridiculous car I could possibly drive, which is a big bonus. And I have to wait until I have another garage stall available, because the kraut cars last about one midwest winter.
June 7th, 2008 at 3:33 am
The crow was probably not going to live through the day if he was acting like that.
Don’t worry, God’ll make more.